Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A few weeks ago, I dreamed I was at an orphanage. I remember looking through some windows and seeing so many abandoned children but yet I was only allowed to spend some time with just one child. The child's name was Robert. I woke up the next morning and right away went to Reece's Rainbow and searched to see if there was a Robert. And there he was. I fell in love. My heart broke for Robert and ever since, he has been so heavy on my heart. Up until this point, I had made myself stop looking at Reece's Rainbow so often. But once again, I can't stop looking at his picture, looking to see if he's found a family, looking to see if his grant has grown.
A couple days ago, I joined the Reece's Rainbow group on facebook. Not long after, someone posted a picture. As soon as I saw it, my heart stopped. Before getting a good look, I knew it was Robert. It was the most beautiful picture. He was smiling, joyful. He looked amazing. And yet, instantly, I was sobbing. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop.
Robert is in a good orphanage. He is doing well, he is almost walking!! He looks so joyful.
I keep begging God to show me why He has put Robert on my heart. Jayson & I are not in a position to adopt, probably for at least a couple years yet. Some big mountains would have to be moved. And with how well Robert appears to be doing, I just can't figure out WHY I can't stop thinking about him and brainstorming how I can help him.
It is so hard to know how many children are waiting for families. We are willing. Yet, we can't go.
I have to keep reminding myself that we ARE seeing progress in our situation. In the last month, Jayson received health benefits for ALL of us through his job for the first time since we've been married. NO MORE MEDICAID!! My student loan is almost completely paid off and then the only debt we will have will be our mortgage and a little student debt from Jayson. But no more credit cards & my student loan that wasn't going anywhere for so long...it'll all be gone!! And how GREAT that feels!
So no matter how many times I feel like we're going no where, or even worse, going backwards, I just keep seeing the miracles that God has done already and know that EVERYTHING is in His timing. God can, and He will, move mountains. We just need to wait on Him.
In the meantime, I continue to pray that God would reveal Himself to me and show me how I can help Robert. Since I have recently started to sew, I am thinking of making some things that I can sell or use as a fundraiser to bring in money for Robert. (I still need a little bit more practice though :) ) And hopefully, somewhere along the way, a family will commit to Robert!
I would love prayers for God to reveal Himself to me regarding Robert and for God to use me in some way. Prayers for Robert's well-being and for a family to come to him quickly. Prayers for God to move mountains in our family so that one day sooner than later, WE can be that family going to rescue our child.